I belong to a couple of clubs, and every time I go to my book club, a friend asks me: are you going to the wine club again? I keep insisting we meet primarily for the books, but he doesn't believe me. :)
I have recently joined a facebook group for making female friends in melbourne and I am so ashamed of it~ it feels like I failed at life, not being able to meet people randomly. This article of yours was so good though! I might try one suggestion or two (But I am not making friends with Italians though. I didn't run to the other side of the world for nothing)
Nah don't be so harsh on yourself. We tend to forget that as we grow up, it becomes more difficult to make friend simply because everyone has less time. So if where you live, facebook is your most promising option of making friends, you shouldn't think twice about it.
Regarding Italians, I would say you should avoid the groups that are closed to other nationalities. That is the trap.
But if you have a group of friends that among others, includes friends from Italy, then you get the best of both worlds: multicultural experience, plus someone who can understand you better in certain situation due to the common background.
I think there is another prerequisite that is worth to mention: time. The psycholigist Robin Dunbar estimated that "around 34 hours of investment are needed to transition a relationship from a superficial acquaintance to a casual friendship. (...) To form a close friendship, over 200 hours are needed." Quoted from (and more information on): https://friendship-project.co.uk/the-science/
This means that you need to be aware that making friend takes take time. But in intensity as duration. Let's say you go for a coffee every week for 1,5 hours, it will take you at least half a year to form a casual friendship, and 2 + years to make a close friendship.
Having this math in the back of your head, I would suggest to choose a hobby, club of sport that you actually would like to invest 30+ hours in. Maybe you can combine this with other skills you would like to improve, like learning a foreign language (a tandem buddy?) or things you generally like to spend your free time with. In that way you don't go to a hobby, club or sport for the friends (especially good when the friendship later breaks?), but instead the friends are a really nice side effect of exercising your hobby/sport in companionship of others.
That is a good point (and thanks for the link). We should be choosing hobbies that we anyway enjoy and not just for making friends. Then the chance to connect with someone is much higher, as both of you will be having a good time :)
I belong to a couple of clubs, and every time I go to my book club, a friend asks me: are you going to the wine club again? I keep insisting we meet primarily for the books, but he doesn't believe me. :)
I see nothing wrong either way😉
Honourable mention: volunteering!
That is actually a very good point! Thanks for the input! Have you made any friends through volunteering?
Yes I have! I also shared about it in a post if you're interested: https://lifeinireland.substack.com/p/volunteering-in-athlone-as-a-way
Ofc I am! Great, thanks again for the input!
I have recently joined a facebook group for making female friends in melbourne and I am so ashamed of it~ it feels like I failed at life, not being able to meet people randomly. This article of yours was so good though! I might try one suggestion or two (But I am not making friends with Italians though. I didn't run to the other side of the world for nothing)
Nah don't be so harsh on yourself. We tend to forget that as we grow up, it becomes more difficult to make friend simply because everyone has less time. So if where you live, facebook is your most promising option of making friends, you shouldn't think twice about it.
Regarding Italians, I would say you should avoid the groups that are closed to other nationalities. That is the trap.
But if you have a group of friends that among others, includes friends from Italy, then you get the best of both worlds: multicultural experience, plus someone who can understand you better in certain situation due to the common background.
I would agree on that 100%! Having an expat connection is kind of a rare treasure that "our people" share and understand
I think there is another prerequisite that is worth to mention: time. The psycholigist Robin Dunbar estimated that "around 34 hours of investment are needed to transition a relationship from a superficial acquaintance to a casual friendship. (...) To form a close friendship, over 200 hours are needed." Quoted from (and more information on): https://friendship-project.co.uk/the-science/
This means that you need to be aware that making friend takes take time. But in intensity as duration. Let's say you go for a coffee every week for 1,5 hours, it will take you at least half a year to form a casual friendship, and 2 + years to make a close friendship.
Having this math in the back of your head, I would suggest to choose a hobby, club of sport that you actually would like to invest 30+ hours in. Maybe you can combine this with other skills you would like to improve, like learning a foreign language (a tandem buddy?) or things you generally like to spend your free time with. In that way you don't go to a hobby, club or sport for the friends (especially good when the friendship later breaks?), but instead the friends are a really nice side effect of exercising your hobby/sport in companionship of others.
That is a good point (and thanks for the link). We should be choosing hobbies that we anyway enjoy and not just for making friends. Then the chance to connect with someone is much higher, as both of you will be having a good time :)