Putting your life in a suitcase
Whatever doesn't fit is left behind.
Germany, approximately 10 years ago.
After spending 6 months in a small city in the north-western part of the country, where the majority of the population consisted pensioners and students, it was time to go back to Denmark and finish my master’s programme. It was also time to say goodbye to Martin.
The days before the flight are always weird, but the last night was dreadful. In my disproportionally large room, in the student apartment that I shared with another two guys1, everything was on the floor. Clothes. Books. University notes. Everything lying around, waiting to be tucked into a suitcase, and be flown to a new place, a new home.
What a weird feeling it is, cramming all your life inside a suitcase. Even more so, if you re not just moving 5 blocks away, but to another country.
Photos that are always on your desk, suddenly are not there. Pieces of paper that you never read, but are always sitting next to your keyboard2 are thrown away. Shoes, clothes, souvenirs, sports gear, books, all the things that made your place, your place, are now out of sight.
And it doesn’t feel like your place anymore. It is an empty room, that feels uninviting, if not hostile, looking forward for you to get the hell out of there. And so do you. Nothing bonds you to that place anymore. It used to be your room, but not anymore. Not for the last few hours. Now it is just another room. Just like the little prince tried to tame the fox and befriend her, you tried to tame this space. Whatever you had done, now it is undone.
Now, it is just the place you will spend the night. Tomorrow you will move on with your life to a, hopefully, more cozy place that will attempt to convince you it is worth being called home.
But that is not a thought for tonight. Now you need to cram all your belongings in your suitcase. Not an easy task. Every little thing that is moved, is a little piece of yourself being torn. You tried really hard feeling at home in this place; now you are called to undo it all, make it look empty and soulless.
I remember that night in Germany vividly. I knew I was supposed to stay only for half a year and yet, emptying my apartment was not something I was prepared for. And I didn’t even have so much stuff to begin with: a photo with flowers and gears that I really like. Some beer bottles that I thought were pretty and I kept them as decoration. A few books I had stacked on a shelf.
Still, taking those down and emptying all the drawers really got me. I remember feeling really empty half way through the process. I had some music playing in the background. I stopped it and instead put on an 8-hour best-of compilation on YouTube, of an old satirical show from Greece, to keep me going. Silly, but it is what I needed. And to be fair, it helped. I would pack a few things, then maybe pay attention to the video for a few minutes, then back to packing. And somehow that got me through the night.
Eventually, I got the job done and everything was packed before I went to sleep. I definitely took longer than I expected, but as every procrastinator knows, if you hate the task, you do every conceivable thing to avoid it.
Putting my life in a suitcase, is something I had to do quite a few times in my life. Not only that, but I realized relatively recently, that it had left a scar in me: I had a very hard time buying anything, out of fear that I will not be able to fit it in my suitcase next time I needed to move. Fear of owning anything that was not absolutely essential.
I remember being in a clothing store in Germany, looking around. I only buy clothes I need or that I really like and I had just spotted a sweater that belonged to the latter category. I really liked it. I tried it on and it fit nicely. “Damn it, I was looking for an excuse not to buy it. Not to have to cram it, next time I move”. I left the store, but came back later on, determined to buy the sweater. And I did. And so big was my excitement that I broke the curse, that years later, I am writing about it in my newsletter.
The big irony of this story is that when I checked in my luggage at the airport in Germany, it was found overweight. Thankfully, the middle-aged guy at the counter, empathized with me, when I told him that:
this is what happens when you are a student and you have to pack all your life and move to another place.
Actually, not only did he empathize, but he encouraged me to run for politician. Empathy and friendly banter in a 2-in-1 deal. You can’t ask for more than that in a busy airport.
This scar is not unreasonable if you ‘re moving all the time. Only the last time I moved was more than 6 years ago. And still throughout all these years, I was very reluctant to purchase anything, due to that scar. I was reluctant to make my place feel like home.
Some plants and a few posters later, I think that I am finally overcoming that fear :)
Sincerely,
- The Naive Ignorant
Also known as WG in Germany.
If you are an engineer, you know.
Growing up with parents that needed to move every 3-5 years for work, I learned an important lessons. Make your home your home was soon as possible. Even if it is for only 6 months, but those curtains and those plants. They will help you feel safe and secure. And indeed, at all the places I always stayed more than planned. 6 months became 3 years.
And this immediate decoration step gives you warm feelings when you think back about your space ☺️
Yes one advantage of moving countries is that we tend to become more minimalist